I’m being stalked by a black wheelie bin

It all started when the refuse collectors trashed my wheelie bin and it got swallowed by their compactor. They don’t tell you they’ve done it. They just slope off and leave you to find out. So I rang the council and they said they would deliver another bin in four weeks time (four weeks! – don’t they have any in stock?). They said I could put my rubbish in black bags and they would still collect it. Except they didn’t. They just stuck a label on the bags saying because they weren’t in a bin it was excess rubbish and they weren’t going to take it away. Yah boo sucks!

If you ring them up to complain, one of two things happens. Either you choose the wrong option and you’re led up a call-centre blind alley where they ask you lots of automated questions but you never actually speak to a human and the call ends abruptly. Or you get through to a human being who has been trained to be sympathetic and non-confrontational but won’t actually do anything, suggesting you wait until the next collection date a fortnight away for it to sort itself out. They say that they don’t have any authority to do anything else but won’t connect you to someone who has.

The answer is to go straight for the jugular and ring the complaints department. Eventually you reach someone who actually promises action but it still doesn’t happen because he goes on holiday and nobody else follows up to check if the action has been taken. But you should persist and eventually, about a week or more after your original complaint a very genial chap called Greg takes the rubbish away and provides you with a replacement bin that has suddenly materialised.

But what has that got to do with being stalked by a wheelie bin you say (unless you’ve lost interest and gone back to Google to find something more interesting to read.

Bear with me!

Part way through this process my resolve began to falter and I considered buying my own wheelie bin. So I visited various websites and found that the going rate was about £38 for a 240 litre bin. Ever since then every website I’ve visited that subcribes to Google Adsense features a black wheelie bin staring out at me like a Dalek in a black plastic burkha. It’s becoming a bit unnerving though. We know it happens and if we are philosophical about it, it’s the price we have to pay for relatively inexpensive Internet access.

I just wish there was a feedback option where you could tell Google that the council has finally delivered a new bin or that you have ordered one or you’ve decided that you want a green/yellow/brown bin and you can stop following me now – please.

In the meantime I feel that I am being stalked by a black wheelie bin that stares out at me from every website I visit